Twilight 12-Step Program - DO NOT WANT!

Why ANYONE would think this is a good idea, I'll never know.  But in the interest of fairness (and snarfingly good humor):

The following 12 step program may contain spoilers. If you have not read all four books, read at your own risk!

Step 1.   Step away from the Twilight books! This includes hard and paperback books, computer downloads, I pods, audio books, ETC. 

Step 2.   Hide all of your acquired memorabilia, such as clothes, knickknacks, screensavers, ETC. 

Step 3.   Take a shower, clean your house (no, really clean it), and if you have a significant other, children, pets etc., please locate them and let them know you are trying to get back into the world of the living, and you are on a program to help you. 

Step 4.   Do not name any children or pets Edward, Bella, Renesmee, Alice, Jasper, Rosalie, Emmett, Carlisle, Esme, etc. (You get my drift). 

Step 5.  Do not travel to Washington, Italy, Dartmouth College, or anywhere else that might be referenced in the book. 

Step 6.   Most people will never own any of the cars in this series (except maybe the Volvo), so be happy with the minivan, it’s not that bad! 

Step 7.   Do not purchase a fur coat and run through the woods looking for Jacob or his pack. 

Step 8.  Clothes are really not meant to be worn one time only.  A normal person does not have as many as Alice unless being a Twilaholic is not their only problem, so don’t try to live up to Alice’s expectations. 

Step 9.  You cannot “Dazzle” people to get your way.  Do not try this, it will be very embarrassing.  Live with it, we’re only human, Edward is not. 

Step 10.  Do not hang out in meadows, parks, at the mall, or Indian Reservations hoping that someone will “IMPRINT” on you.  Bad plan. 

Step 11.  Remember that you actually have to eat more than every week or so (and this doesn’t mean that you should become a hunter in the Cullen sense, you might get hurt). You also have to sleep.  No human is that drop dead gorgeous all the time, (remember you are a human and Edward is not) and dark circles under your eyes really suck. 

Step 12.   Okay, we all know none of this actually sank in the first time.  Now you must go back to Step 1 and try again.  Remember to keep saying, “I am a human and I’m in the world of the living!”

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The Twelve Days of Twilight Christmas

On the first day of Christmas my true love gave to me
A Vampire in a Forks Tree.


On the second day of Christmas my true love gave to me 
Two Motorcyle Gloves and a Vampire in a Forks Tree.














On the third day of Christmas my true love gave to me Three Wolf dens Two Motorcycle Gloves and A Vampire in a Fork's Tree.





On the fourth day of Christmas my true love gave to me Four New Moon Shirts, Three Wolf Dens, Two Motorcycle Gloves, and a Vampire in a Fork's Tree.

























On the fifth day of Christmas my true love gave to me
FIIIIIIVE VOOOOlturi Kiiiiiiings!!!! Four New Moon Shirts, Three Wolf Dens, Two Motorcycle Gloves, and a Vampire in a Fork's Tree.




On the sixth day of Christmas my true love gave to me Six New Borns Slaying, FIIIIIIVE VOOOOOlturi Kiiiiiings!!!! Four New Moon Shirts, Three Wolf Dens, Two Motorcycle Gloves, and a Vampire in a Fork's Tree.

















On the seventh day of Christmas my true love gave to me Seven Bella Swans Swimming, Six New Borns Slaying, FIIIIIIIVE VOOOOOOlturi Kiiiiiiings!!!!! Four New Moon Shirts, Three Wolf Dens, Two Motorcycle Gloves, and a Vampire in a Fork's Tree.





On the eighth day of Christmas my true love gave to me Eight Days of Reading, Seven Bella Swans Swimming, Six New Borns Slaying, FIIIIIIVE VOOOOOOOlturi Kiiiiiiings!!!!!! Four New Moon Shirts, Three Wolf Dens, Two Motorcycle Gloves, and a Vampire in a Fork's Tree. 


























On the ninth day of Christmas my true love gave to me Nine Laurents Dancing, Eight Days of Reading, Seven Bella Swans Swimming, Six New Borns Slaying, FIIIIIIIVE VOOOOOOlturi Kiiiiings!!!! Four New Moon Shirts, Three Wolf Dens, Two Motorcycle Gloves, and a Vampire in a Fork's Tree.




On the tenth day of Christmas my true love gave to me Ten Quileutes Sleeping, Nine Laurents Dancing, Eight Days of Reading, Seven Bella Swans Swimming, Six New Borns Slaying, FIIIIIIIVE VOOOOOOlturi Kiiiiiiings!!!!! Four New Moon Shirts, Three Wolf Dens, Two Motorcycle Gloves, and a Vampire in a Fork's Tree.
















On the eleventh day of Christmas my true love gave to me Eleven Rosalies Griping, Ten Quileutes Sleeping, Nine Laurents Dancing, Eight Days of Reading, Seven Bella Swans Swimming, Six New Borns Slaying, FIIIIIIIIIVE VOOOOOOOlturi Kiiiiiiings!!!! Four New Moon Shirts, Three Wolf Dens, Two Motorcycle Gloves, and a Vampire in a Fork's Tree.





On the twelth day of Christmas my true love gave to me Twelve Volvos Humming, Eleven Rosalies Griping, Ten Quileutes Sleeping, Nine Laurents Dancing, Eight Days of Reading, Seven Bella Swans Swimming, Six New Borns Slaying, FIIIIIIIVE VOOOOOOlturi Kiiiiiiiings!!!! Four New Moon Shirts, Three Wolf Dens, Two Motorcycle Gloves, and a Vampire in a Fork's Treeeeeeeeeeee!!!!!!

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Thanks for the heads up, Stacey!!

Literacy

 

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http://mytwilighttherapy.blogspot.com

Espresso

This is what I a) look like and b) feel like right now.

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http://mytwilighttherapy.blogspot.com

Tonight's the Night!!!!!!

HAPPY NEW MOON DAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Plan of attack:

- Get absolutely no work done at work because I am bouncing off the walls like a 4 year-old
- Stay late and still get nothing done so that I can have the morning off tomorrow
- Go home and shower and touch said self in shower to prepare for the second coming of Edward.  pun SO intended.
- Get cuted out in as much Twi-gear as possible so I look like I'm 12
- Go to the Melting Pot with Erika for their New Moon special event and try not to squee like an asshole in the restaurant
- Grab Starbucks so we can make sure we are energized for the midnight show
- Wander over to the theater and try to act like totally cool women instead of way uncool fangirls
- Get in line ahead of as many people as possible so we can get great seats and don't have to break our necks looking up at an oversized screen that would make us dizzy
- Take turns peeing so that we don't have to get up during the movie AND we don't have to lose our spot in line
- Get our seats and start shaking like freaks
- Break out the mini bottles of liquor and tissues and settle in for the long haul

And there you have it.

http://mytwilighttherapy.blogspot.com

Aww, a sweet kiss on the lips

I fail to see the fail of this Fail.

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Twilight Explained

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http://mytwilighttherapy.blogspot.com

Teehee.

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http://mytwilighttherapy.blogspot.com

Breaking up with Rob

*sigh*

I didn't want to have to do this, and I'm not sure how permanent it's going to be, but...

I'm breaking up with Rob.

Ok, ok, now don't freak out.  I am the first one to say do what makes you happy and Twilight/Rob/bloggin/facebook buddy love makes me happy.  But I can't support myself (at least not yet) with Twilight love.

My uncle came into town yesterday for the night and stayed at my house.  He is a very successful VP at Cablevision and he did it by climbing the ladder and making a name for himself.  At my age, he was making 100K and had major responsibilities.  Granted, the money isn't what I'm after and I also don't live in NY (anymore) as he does.

I do, however, want to be successful at whatever it is that I do. 

I have been floundering in work and in life for a few years now.  Job interviews are like fairy tale endings.  They are not truly the end, but just the beginning.  Cinderella still has to put up with Charming's socks on the floor and skid marks in his underwear.  Ariel has to come to grips with the fact that she'll never be able to truly go home again to see her family and you just KNOW she's going to blame Eric for that and come to resent him over time.  I don't know what makes Bella think her situation is going to be any different.  She's giving up her friends and family and her entire life.  Edward is giving up nothing. 

My point is - the interview and the offer are just the beginning.  Once you are in the job, you have to continually prove that you are a professional that can be trusted to come through in situations that are crucial to the company.  Unfortunately, in my current company, I have not been given a chance to shine due to a management that is happy to keep low-level employees in their place. 

That is no excuse.  I need to step up my game if I ever want to have a successful life.  I am all about minimalism and zen habits but if I am not succeeding and being productive in some way, I feel stagnant.  It's part of who I am.  It's in my DNA.  I love to make things happen, bring them to fruition and then unleash them on the world to see their reactions. 

Now, back to the break-up.

Mr. Pattinson, you have been a source of comfort for me.  I love looking at your beautiful face (and body) but there is so much more to you than that.  And Kristen has to get in on this too.  These two young actors have inspired me to live an honest life.  To not live for others and what they want from you, but to think of things that make ME happy and go out and get mine.  You are connected to life but in the most efficient ways possible.  No twitter, no facebook, no google alerts on your actor obsession.  *clears throat*  I will be deleting my @1breezybri twitter account.  I will still have a professional one for business contacts, but as a hobby for my personal life, it takes too much energy and is too addicting to be productive. 

My personal notes to Rob and Twilight:

Rob, your songs are soulful and intense and every note out of your mouth is one to be cherished.  I hope you put an album out because your voice has come to be a calm in the storm.

Twilight, you are a whirlwind in my life.  I am still convinced that the publishers and Stephenie somehow got crack infused in the pages of the books and that's why I've become obsessed like I have. 

Then, after reading the books 4 times each, I graduated to fanfiction and never looked back.  Not only have I read my fair share, but I've also written a few and enjoy hearing feedback from my characters and plotlines.  I intend to keep reading the updates that I receive but I am not going to start any new ones any time soon.  Who knows what the future may bring, but the present belongs to me now.

Again, that provides me happiness and is a great hobby.  For something that has been a hobby, however, I sure have spent an awful lot of time and energy on it.

I will never be one of those authors who removes my stories from the net, nor will I NOT finish Programming.  I may sacrifice the second chapter of the two-shot and I may leave Touched as a one-shot, but Programming will be completed and will always be online (unless for some reason FFn or Twilighted decides they hate me).  I will also still post the SSCSA whenever they are held and I will do so with gusto.  You ladies make me laugh like nobody's business.  I feel like I have truly found a family in all of your friendships.

So, Twilight.  Rob.  Kristen.  Half-nakie pictures of Kellan.  It's not you, it's me.  There are things I want to accomplish in my life and you can be damn sure I won't get the opportunity if my ass is plastered to my couch while I watch yet another leaked video.  I'm still convinced that the whole movie will be out in small increments before it's out in theaters.  I am honored to know the women I've met through the Twilight world and will continue to fangirl squee with them and Shamwow hot pics of Rob...but in small doses.  I need more for ME.  One can only give so much before you realize that you've given it all and have nothing left from which to rebuild.

The basic message here is that I need to invest the time and energy into myself that I invest in all of these other things I'm involved in, Twilight specifically.  If I could put half of the passion into my own life that I've put into Twilight, I am sure I can greatly improve my overall happiness.

So, here I go. 

http://mytwilighttherapy.blogspot.com

My PMSy repsonse to Walmart's new commercials.

When you're a skinny kid of fourteen,
Wide with braces from ear to ear,
You doubt you’ll ever get your boobies.
Then Hallelujah! Training Bras appear
And the boys, they start to tease you
And your skin is red and splotchy
And you have that crampy, bitchy female feeling.

How shocking to be a woman,
With chocolate on your thighs;
How lovely to wear a girdle
And realize your slip’s too high.

How lovely to have a fat ass,
That's knocks things over in your wake;
Whenever you hear boys whistle,
They’re whistling at a skank.

It's horrible to itch
The way a woman itches;
It gives you such a scratch in your snatch
You've got yeasties in your britches!

How shocking to be a woman
And have one job to do;
To trap a man and change him
And then when you are through,
You've made him a man you can’t stand to see!
Life's frightful when you're a woman, like me!

How miserable to know
The things a woman knows;
How pitiful to wait for a date (…and wait for a date…and wait for a date…)
With tissues for a runny nose!

How shocking to be a woman
And change from men to women,
To go to a flashy nightclub
And bat for the other side, then.

How lovely to be so fucked-up and sad!
Fuck life, if you’re a woman, it’s bad!