Times Like These

This beautiful song was part of the latest chapter of Seventeen Cakes by vanessarae on fanfiction.net.  I can't help but relate to it for a number of reasons.  The most prominent being my relationship with my mother that has always been at the forefront of the things I do or do not do in my life.

I really wish I could forgive her for the things she's done.  I want to.  I want to be strong enough to let it all go and salvage a relationship with her.  I have been thinking about it more and more and I am in a constant state of anxiety of which I don't know how to get out. 

Is it time to let it all go for the sake of my sanity?

Is it time to let it all go so that I can have a piece of my mother, even though her good qualities are few and far between?

Is it time to let it all go so that she might see what a strong woman looks like?  Not the harsh, criticizing, demanding, controlling personality that she uses to keep the only people that love her at bay.

I want to believe I am capable of such love and understanding and forgiveness.  If I can do it, it will be the test of my life.  No dramatization here.  100% honesty.  I don't want to be a paralyzed victim anymore.  I want to be free of the pain and the guilt.

I don't believe in god but I would certainly pray to one if I thought it would help.

*sigh*





I am a one way motorway
I'm the one that drives away
Then follows you back home
I am a street light shining
I'm a wild light blinding bright
Burning off alone

It's times like these you learn to live again
It's times like these you give and give again
It's times like these you learn to love again
It's times like these time and time again

I am a new day rising
I'm a brand new sky
To hang the stars upon tonight
I am a little divided
Do I stay or run away
And leave it all behind?

It's times like these you learn to live again
It's times like these you give and give again
It's times like these you learn to love again
It's times like these time and time again