My PMSy repsonse to Walmart's new commercials.

When you're a skinny kid of fourteen,
Wide with braces from ear to ear,
You doubt you’ll ever get your boobies.
Then Hallelujah! Training Bras appear
And the boys, they start to tease you
And your skin is red and splotchy
And you have that crampy, bitchy female feeling.

How shocking to be a woman,
With chocolate on your thighs;
How lovely to wear a girdle
And realize your slip’s too high.

How lovely to have a fat ass,
That's knocks things over in your wake;
Whenever you hear boys whistle,
They’re whistling at a skank.

It's horrible to itch
The way a woman itches;
It gives you such a scratch in your snatch
You've got yeasties in your britches!

How shocking to be a woman
And have one job to do;
To trap a man and change him
And then when you are through,
You've made him a man you can’t stand to see!
Life's frightful when you're a woman, like me!

How miserable to know
The things a woman knows;
How pitiful to wait for a date (…and wait for a date…and wait for a date…)
With tissues for a runny nose!

How shocking to be a woman
And change from men to women,
To go to a flashy nightclub
And bat for the other side, then.

How lovely to be so fucked-up and sad!
Fuck life, if you’re a woman, it’s bad!