Twilight 12-Step Program - DO NOT WANT!

Why ANYONE would think this is a good idea, I'll never know.  But in the interest of fairness (and snarfingly good humor):

The following 12 step program may contain spoilers. If you have not read all four books, read at your own risk!

Step 1.   Step away from the Twilight books! This includes hard and paperback books, computer downloads, I pods, audio books, ETC. 

Step 2.   Hide all of your acquired memorabilia, such as clothes, knickknacks, screensavers, ETC. 

Step 3.   Take a shower, clean your house (no, really clean it), and if you have a significant other, children, pets etc., please locate them and let them know you are trying to get back into the world of the living, and you are on a program to help you. 

Step 4.   Do not name any children or pets Edward, Bella, Renesmee, Alice, Jasper, Rosalie, Emmett, Carlisle, Esme, etc. (You get my drift). 

Step 5.  Do not travel to Washington, Italy, Dartmouth College, or anywhere else that might be referenced in the book. 

Step 6.   Most people will never own any of the cars in this series (except maybe the Volvo), so be happy with the minivan, it’s not that bad! 

Step 7.   Do not purchase a fur coat and run through the woods looking for Jacob or his pack. 

Step 8.  Clothes are really not meant to be worn one time only.  A normal person does not have as many as Alice unless being a Twilaholic is not their only problem, so don’t try to live up to Alice’s expectations. 

Step 9.  You cannot “Dazzle” people to get your way.  Do not try this, it will be very embarrassing.  Live with it, we’re only human, Edward is not. 

Step 10.  Do not hang out in meadows, parks, at the mall, or Indian Reservations hoping that someone will “IMPRINT” on you.  Bad plan. 

Step 11.  Remember that you actually have to eat more than every week or so (and this doesn’t mean that you should become a hunter in the Cullen sense, you might get hurt). You also have to sleep.  No human is that drop dead gorgeous all the time, (remember you are a human and Edward is not) and dark circles under your eyes really suck. 

Step 12.   Okay, we all know none of this actually sank in the first time.  Now you must go back to Step 1 and try again.  Remember to keep saying, “I am a human and I’m in the world of the living!”

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The Twelve Days of Twilight Christmas

On the first day of Christmas my true love gave to me
A Vampire in a Forks Tree.


On the second day of Christmas my true love gave to me 
Two Motorcyle Gloves and a Vampire in a Forks Tree.














On the third day of Christmas my true love gave to me Three Wolf dens Two Motorcycle Gloves and A Vampire in a Fork's Tree.





On the fourth day of Christmas my true love gave to me Four New Moon Shirts, Three Wolf Dens, Two Motorcycle Gloves, and a Vampire in a Fork's Tree.

























On the fifth day of Christmas my true love gave to me
FIIIIIIVE VOOOOlturi Kiiiiiiings!!!! Four New Moon Shirts, Three Wolf Dens, Two Motorcycle Gloves, and a Vampire in a Fork's Tree.




On the sixth day of Christmas my true love gave to me Six New Borns Slaying, FIIIIIIVE VOOOOOlturi Kiiiiiings!!!! Four New Moon Shirts, Three Wolf Dens, Two Motorcycle Gloves, and a Vampire in a Fork's Tree.

















On the seventh day of Christmas my true love gave to me Seven Bella Swans Swimming, Six New Borns Slaying, FIIIIIIIVE VOOOOOOlturi Kiiiiiiings!!!!! Four New Moon Shirts, Three Wolf Dens, Two Motorcycle Gloves, and a Vampire in a Fork's Tree.





On the eighth day of Christmas my true love gave to me Eight Days of Reading, Seven Bella Swans Swimming, Six New Borns Slaying, FIIIIIIVE VOOOOOOOlturi Kiiiiiiings!!!!!! Four New Moon Shirts, Three Wolf Dens, Two Motorcycle Gloves, and a Vampire in a Fork's Tree. 


























On the ninth day of Christmas my true love gave to me Nine Laurents Dancing, Eight Days of Reading, Seven Bella Swans Swimming, Six New Borns Slaying, FIIIIIIIVE VOOOOOOlturi Kiiiiings!!!! Four New Moon Shirts, Three Wolf Dens, Two Motorcycle Gloves, and a Vampire in a Fork's Tree.




On the tenth day of Christmas my true love gave to me Ten Quileutes Sleeping, Nine Laurents Dancing, Eight Days of Reading, Seven Bella Swans Swimming, Six New Borns Slaying, FIIIIIIIVE VOOOOOOlturi Kiiiiiiings!!!!! Four New Moon Shirts, Three Wolf Dens, Two Motorcycle Gloves, and a Vampire in a Fork's Tree.
















On the eleventh day of Christmas my true love gave to me Eleven Rosalies Griping, Ten Quileutes Sleeping, Nine Laurents Dancing, Eight Days of Reading, Seven Bella Swans Swimming, Six New Borns Slaying, FIIIIIIIIIVE VOOOOOOOlturi Kiiiiiiings!!!! Four New Moon Shirts, Three Wolf Dens, Two Motorcycle Gloves, and a Vampire in a Fork's Tree.





On the twelth day of Christmas my true love gave to me Twelve Volvos Humming, Eleven Rosalies Griping, Ten Quileutes Sleeping, Nine Laurents Dancing, Eight Days of Reading, Seven Bella Swans Swimming, Six New Borns Slaying, FIIIIIIIVE VOOOOOOlturi Kiiiiiiiings!!!! Four New Moon Shirts, Three Wolf Dens, Two Motorcycle Gloves, and a Vampire in a Fork's Treeeeeeeeeeee!!!!!!

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Thanks for the heads up, Stacey!!

Literacy

 

Source

http://mytwilighttherapy.blogspot.com